is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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