All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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