my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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