I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
