I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
