Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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