Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think i have two assholes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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