Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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