I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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