The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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