It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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