We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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