when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
