my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't think brook has ever known best
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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