She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We just shotgunned beers for America
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
