I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
