i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
