you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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