my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
