this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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