Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
