is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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