is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
