No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
