haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
