you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
