We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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