Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
