If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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