Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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