I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
wow bdsm is so cute
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