i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Randomize
