i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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