New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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