You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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