smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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