Apparently you make a good broom.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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