My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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