Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think i have herpe
just one?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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