Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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