Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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