The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
