so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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