It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
