I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize