Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
