I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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