Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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