i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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