Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
my poor anus
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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