it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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