Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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