I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
