How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
