Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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