I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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