Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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