Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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