i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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