He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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